Film Review: "Godzilla" (2014)

3 out of 5

Warning: Spoilers

I'm a lifelong career turd: I groan and moan and complain and whine about pretty much everything I come into contact with. In my little universe beloved comic books are always adapted poorly, reboots of horror classics fall short, video games are turned into terrible movies and every prequel ever made is an abomination. So how am I, the nasally whine of every unappeasable fanboy, supposed to handle this very American re-imaging of Japan's King Of Monsters, Godzilla? I'll tell you how I feel: I feel effin' great, I'm ecstatic, I'm actually praying for a quick sequel, I'm even dancing over here.... In other words I'm stoked.
That isn't to say it's a flawless movie. The first hour or so is slowish, there is little to no onscreen monster mashing during that hour and human characters talk about stuff that explains plot fluff that we pretty much already know because we already know who/what Godzilla is. But none of it's boring due to Gareth Edwards' superb directing. Even when the dialogue is hackneyed and near-cheesy the actors are of a high enough caliber to make it tolerable. It's not hard to imagine how atrocious this film could've been in less capable hands and was thankfully placed in the care of a talented team.
"But, Brian, what about the monsters?" you ask. I've heard some gripes about Godzillas' appearance but I don't see the big deal. Who really thought he'd have the googly eyed crocodile face that hid so many Japanese men for all these years under foam rubber, anyways? At the core of the design he's still a lumbering hulk that appears graceful in water and plodding on land and he's nowhere near the cursed irradiated-iguana of '98, so I don't see the complaints. My biggest gripe in the monster department is with the new monsters, referred to as "Mutos" (Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism), who resemble cockroaches blurred into the bug-aliens from Starship Troopers. They aren't horrible, but they lack the kitschy uniqueness of Godzilla's past foes and I can't help but think someone should've had the idea to update at least one monster from Toho's extensive roster before creating new lackluster beasties from scratch.
For me though, when all the monsters were given room to really go at it was when my inner eight year old went bananas and began bouncing off the walls. There's a handful of amazing scenes that had me almost cheering, almost tearing up and more than one moment where I almost yipped aloud out of pure pleasure. By the end I was giddy, and for once if Hollywood makes a sequel, I won't only not be pissed off, but I'll be more excited than the grade school kids ahead of me in line at the premiere.